Best Jokes

I thought there was something wrong with my pedometer app.

It thought there was something wrong with me.

It asked me if I had died.

She was in the kitchen doing the boiled eggs for breakfast.

He walks in and she says, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

He says, "What's going on?"

She says, "The egg timer is broken."

The meal in the restaurant was awful. The diner asked to see the manager. When the manager came, the diner said, “I want to compliment you on your very clean kitchen.”

“Clean kitchen?” the manager asked. “Have you seen our kitchen?”

“No,” the diner replied. “But it must be clean because all the food tastes like soap.”

I wished my wife a Happy Birthday this morning and then joked, "The clown and the pony will be here a bit later!"

She responded, "Don't worry, I've been sheltering-in-place with the clown for almost a year now."