Best Jokes
Favorite this joke A man and a woman are having a date.
The woman remarks, “You know, you look totally like my third husband!”
The man is startled and asks, “Really, how many times have you been married?”
“Twice.”
Did you hear about the dyslexic man who went out to buy maps?
He came back with a tin of Spam.
My older brother, Lenny, loved to tell the story of what happened to our cocker spaniel, Inky.
It seems Lenny was using an open bowl of gasoline to wash some parts for the transmission he was repairing. Distracted by a customer, he returned to his project to find Inky drinking the gasoline from the bowl. He yelled at the dog, who took off running. In fact, Inky ran around the house three times before finally falling over.
The neighbors came running over to see what had happened to Inky. "Is he dead?" asked our neighbor Ruth.
"No," Lenny replied. "I think he ran out of gas."
A burglar, needing money to pay his income taxes, decided to rob the safe in a store.
On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading: "Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob."
He did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging.
As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning: "My confidence in human nature has been rudely shaken."
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