Restaurant bathrooms are really, really dangerous...
So many of my first dates have gone to use them and vanished.
After doing laundry, I was putting my clean socks in the top dresser drawer when suddenly the bottom drawer sprang open and smacked me in the shins.
I bent over to close the bottom drawer and the top drawer sprang open and clipped me on the forehead. No sooner did I stand up and close the top drawer when the bottom drawer sprang open again and smacked my chins again.
So, I learned an important lesson in life: When one drawer closes, another drawer opens!
The other day, I was watching a cooking show where they used leftover beer to make batter for chicken wings.
What surprised me most about this was the fact that anyone would have leftover beer!
One day a man passed by a farm and saw a beautiful horse.
Hoping to buy the animal, he said to the farmer: "I think your horse looks pretty good, so I'll give you $500 for him."
"He doesn't look good, and he's not for sale," the farmer said.
The man insisted, "I think he looks good and I'll up the price to $1000!"
"He doesn't look so good," the farmer said, "but if you want him that much, he's yours."
The next day the man came back raging mad. He went up to the farmer and screamed, "You sold me a blind horse! You cheated me!"
The farmer calmly replied, "I told you he didn't look so good, didn't I?"