Best Jokes

Mr. Benson: "Honey, last night I heard you complaining about me in your sleep."

Mrs. Benson: "Oh, that was just your imagination."

Mr. Benson: "My imagination? How so?"

Mrs. Benson: "That I was asleep."

Why is it that when you go grocery shopping, you can buy a loaf of bread in a plastic bag, a gallon of milk in a plastic bottle, turkey slices in plastic wrap, six apples in a plastic carton, a block of cheese in plastic wrap, and plastic bottles of ketchup and mustard.

But when you go to check out, they won't give you a plastic bag because it's bad for the environment?

1. Dial 911 immediately.

2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2 years.

3. You mean there's something else to do?

4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote.

5. Work.

6. Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family.

7. Get that kidney transplant you've been putting off.

I recently spotted an albino Dalmatian.

It was the least I could do for him