I'm at my boss's funeral, kneeling and whispering at the coffin...
"Who's thinking outside the box now, Gary?"
The benefits of serving green tea to guests:
1) You look rich.
2) You save on milk.
3) They won't ask for more.
4) They won't come back.
Frankie: "So, I took my girlfriend out for dinner at this fancy restaurant last night; she orders a bowl of soup, and wouldn't you know it, she finds a fly in her soup!"
Jeff: "Oh, that's awful! What did she do?"
Frankie: "Well, she turns to the waiter and calls, 'Waiter, remove this insect!"
Jeff: "And what happened then?"
Frankie: "He kicked me out the door."
My wife and I were stuck in traffic.
Frustrated, I looked at her and said: “I’m turning round.”
She replied: “I know - stop eating so many burgers.”