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Favorite this joke Judy: Billy got fresh with me last night, so I slapped his face. But I was sorry just as soon as I did it.
Trudy: Because you care about him?
Judy: No, because he was chewing tobacco.
There's a Labrador by my front door shouting 'Buy!' and 'Sell!' into a mobile phone...
I'm sick of dogs doing their business outside my house.
One day during cooking class, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, was extolling her secrets for preparing perfect sauces. When she ordered us to the stoves to prepare our assignments, she said, "Don't forget to use wooden spoons."
As I stirred my sauce, I contemplated the physics behind the mystery of the wooden spoon, and decided it must have something to do with heat conduction. I approached Mrs. Jones to test my theory.
"Why wooden spoons?" I asked.
"Because," she replied, "if I have to sit here listening to twenty-three metal spoons banging against metal pots, I'll go nuts."
I got a big envelope in the mail that had written on the front, "Photographs: Do Not Bend."
Underneath the mailman wrote, "Oh, yes they do."
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