Best Jokes

Think About It...

- Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

- What if there were no hypothetical questions?

- One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

- When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.

- A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

- What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?

- My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.

- I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

- The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

- How can there be self-help "groups"?

It was different when we were kids.

In second grade, a teacher came in and gave us all a lecture about not smoking, and then they sent us over to arts and crafts...

To make ashtrays for Mother's Day.

Fred was about to go on a hunting trip when he noticed his 21 year old son Jack walking up to him. "Hey Dad," Jack asked. "Can I go hunting with you?" Fred had many reservations about this, but reluctantly agreed.

Upon arriving at the hunting site, Fred carefully sat Jack safely up in the tree stand and told him, "If you see a deer, aim carefully and I'll run back as soon as I hear the shot." Jack obliged as Fred then left. Not ten minutes had passed when Fred suddenly heard an array of gunshots.

Quickly, Fred started running back; as he drew closer, he began to hear his son shouting, "Hey, get away from my deer!" Bewildered, Fred ran faster towards his screaming son, hearing another cry of, "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire.

Upon reaching the area, Fred was surprised to see a man with his hands in the air, standing across from his son. The man trembled a bit, then said, "Okay, you can have your deer, just let me take my saddle off of it first."

Sign outside a furniture store in northern Virginia:

ANTIQUE TABLES MADE HERE DAILY!