Best Jokes

Two guys were riding in a car, arguing about how to say the name of the city that they were in. One said "Louie-ville" and the other "Louise-ville."

They went on arguing and arguing, until they came upon a fast-food restaurant. The one guy goes inside and says to the waitress, "Please tell me the name of the place where I am right now, really, really, really slowly."

The waitress goes, "Bur-ger-King."

Two elderly, excited Southern women were sitting together in the front pew of the church listening to a fiery preacher. When this preacher condemned the sin of stealing, these two ladies cried out, "Amen, Brother!"

When the preacher condemned the sin of lust, they yelled again, "You preach it, Reverend!"

And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying, they jumped to their feet and hollered, "RIGHT ON! TELL IT LIKE IT IS! AMEN!"

But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got very quiet. One turned to the other and said, "He's quit preaching and now he's just meddling."

The news today has wonderful information...

Dark Chocolate is good for your health and romaine lettuce is not.

I've been waiting for this all my life!

From my auto mechanic:

"That part is much less expensive than I thought."
"I've never seen anyone maintain their car as well as you do."
"You could get that done more cheaply at the garage down the street."
"It was just a loose wire. No charge."

From my son's preschool teacher:

"Everyone misbehaved today except Michael."
"Michael traded his candy bar for carrot sticks."
"I wish we had 20 Michaels."