Best Jokes

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the IT guy, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Doctor and patient conversation.

Doctor: "Can you give me your name and date of birth?"

Patient: "Why? Are you not happy with yours?"

Doctor: "Let's just move on shall we... can you take a deep breathe for me?"

Patient: "Have you tried oxygen?"

A visitor once asked, "Does it ever rain in Arizona?"

A rancher quickly answered, "Yes, it does. Do you remember in the Bible where it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?"

The visitor replied, "Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood."

"Well," the rancher puffed up, "we got about two and a half inches of that."

Because I had forgotten the dates for a number of my friends and relatives' birthdays and anniversaries, I decided to compile a list on the computer and have the dates highlighted on screen when the machine was turned on.

I went to a number of computer stores to find a software program that would do the job, but had no luck at the first few. I finally found one where the clerk seemed experienced.

"Can you recommend something that will remind me of birthdays and anniversaries?" I asked.

"Have you tried a wife?" he replied.