Best Jokes
Favorite this joke The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company. On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself. The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card, so later he could remember how his staff would "miss" him. Most people are writing standard phrases like, Without you, the company will never be the same... We will always remember you... etc.
Obviously the boss was not satisfied. "I need something from the bottom of your heart, something really touching, you know. Okay, John, you have been working with me for the last 20 years. You are my best staff. I am retiring now. What do you have to say?"
Slowly but firmly, John wrote, "The best news in 20 years!"
After five long years, I’ve come up with the best clock joke ever…
…it’s about time!
Two people got into an argument.
One said to the other, "If you have yourself cremated, all you will be doing is making an ash of yourself!"
The other replied, "Well, I'm told that petroleum comes from fossilized bones, so if you have yourself buried all you will be doing is making a fuel of yourself!"
* Your feet stick to grape jelly on the kitchen floor--and you don't care.
* You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.
* Popsicle's become a food staple.
* Your favorite television show is a cartoon.
* You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on you!
* You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.
* You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.
* You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
* You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
* Your kid throws up and you catch it.
* You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet... you still managed to gain 10 pounds.
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