Best Jokes

This guy is at the airport waiting for his flight which leaves at 6:00 but he has forgotten his watch, so he looks for someone to ask the time. He spots this guy walking past carrying two suitcases and sporting this fabulous hi-tech watch, so he asks him for the time. The guy replies, "Sure. Which country?"

Our fella asks, "How many countries have you got?" to which the reply is "All the countries in the world!"

"Wow! That's a pretty cool watch you've got there."

"That's nothing. This watch also has a GPS facility, fax, e-mail and can even receive NTSC television channels and display them on its miniature active color pixel LCD screen!"

"Boy, that's incredible. I wish I had a watch like that one... You wouldn't consider selling it by any chance?"

"Well, actually the novelty has worn off by now, so for $900, if you want it, it's yours!"

Our watch-less traveler can hardly whip out his check book fast enough, and hands over a check for $900.

The seller takes off the watch and gives it to him. "Congratulations, here is you new hi-tech watch!" and then handing the two suitcases over as well he says, "and here are the batteries!"

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

A little boy was roughhousing with his dog. His mother said to him, "Now, Peter, I know you love Granger, but you're loving him too much. How would you feel if someone huge picked you up and squeezed you so hard you couldn't breathe?"

The boy thought a moment and then said, "I guess I'd feel like it was my birthday and Aunt Doreen was here."