Best Jokes

In San Diego to work with military linguists, my colleague and I checked into a hotel and ordered a 5 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, the phone didn’t ring until 5:30.

“You were supposed to call us at 5 a.m.!” I admonished the desk clerk on the other end of the line. “What if I had to close a ­million-dollar contract this morning? Your oversight would have cost me the deal!”

“Sir,” he said calmly, “if you had to close that type of deal, I doubt you’d be staying in this type of hotel.”

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.

"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

The morning before Christmas Adam arose and said, "It's Christmas, Eve."

Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight...

There would be mass confusion.