Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx...
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.
Man wakes up and says nothing. Wife annoyed shouts, “You’ve forgotten what day it is haven’t you!”
Man goes to work and confides to a colleague, “I think I forgot my wife’s birthday.”
“Not a problem,” the colleague replies, "just go out and buy her a beautiful new dress and a pearl necklace.”
After work the man races home and showers his wife with gifts.
“Oh darling,” she replies, “what a beautiful new outfit to pick my mother up from the airport in!”
Son: Dad, I want to get married.
Father: First, tell me you're sorry.
Son: For what?
Father: Say sorry.
Son: But for what ? What did I do?
Father: Just say sorry.
Son: But...what have i done wrong ?
Father: Say sorry!
Son: WHY?
Father: Say sorry!!
Son: Please, just tell me why?
Father: Say sorry!!!
Son: OK, Dad...i'm sorry!
Father: There ! You're finished training. When you learn to say sorry for no reason at all, then you're ready to get married!
I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I so bad with women?"
She said, "I'm Alexa you moron."