Best Jokes

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk." 
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" 
Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go." 
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was a cripple." 

There once was a dog named Tax. I opened the door and income Tax.

Turtle to turtle: "Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"

Why couldn't the coffee bean go out to play?
He was grounded.