Best Jokes

A man wants to celebrate his wife’s Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.

Well he thinks for a while and says, "Put 'You're not getting older,' at the top and 'You're getting better' at the bottom."

The real fun didn’t start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:

"You're not getting older at the top, You're getting better at the bottom."

At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41."

So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate.

Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again. "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program."

The day after his wife disappeared, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced policemen. "We are sorry Mr. Smith, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the policemen.

"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Mr. Smith shouted.

The Policemen looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and
some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, Mr. Smith said, "Give me the bad news first."

The Police said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning, we found your wife's body in the sea under the Third Mainland Bridge."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Smith swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"

The policeman continued, "When we brought her out, she had five fishes and three tortoises clinging to her."

Stunned, Mr Smith demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The policeman said, "We are going to bring her out again tomorrow."