Latest Jokes

A family from the country hills was visiting the big city for the first time. They stayed in a high-rise hotel with a big brass elevator right off of the lobby. The mother and daughter stared at it in amazement, wondering what it was.

After staring at it in awe for a few minutes the girl looked up at her mom, "Ma, what do you reckon that there thing is?" she asked.

"I don't rightly know, girl," the mother replied.

Just then an old, frumpy man in a robe with messy hair walks up, steps in the elevator and the doors shut behind him. After about 30 seconds the doors opened again and a handsome, muscular young man in tight work-out clothes comes out.

The mother leans over to her daughter and says, "Girl, go and get your Pa!"

Arbitrator \ar’-bi-tra’-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s

Archives \ar’-kivs\: What Noah kept the bees in.

Avoidable \a-void’-a-ble\: What a bullfighter tries to do.

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying, "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom. I don't know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doing just fine."

And the other guy says, "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre, so I say, "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling."

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. "Can I come over?"

Okay, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "No, sorry, I'm a little busy right now!'

Then I hear the guy say nervously, "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions."

You Know You’ve Had Too Much Coffee When...

- You ski uphill.

- You get a speeding ticket even when you are parked.

- You speed walk in your sleep.

- You answer the door before people knock.