Latest Jokes

Me: "Oh God, please save me!"

God: "Would you prefer as a JPEG file or a PDF file?"

At a store, a lady stood in line waiting to pay for her items. Three men stood before her in the line. After 15 minutes she realized that the line wasn't moving at all.

She shouted at the cashier, "Is this line going to take all day long?"

The cashier replied, "Please step aside ma'am and come here. You are standing behind three mannequins."

On a Saturday afternoon when football fever was running high in South Bend, Indiana, a Notre Dame student was brought into the hospital where I was on duty as a nurse.

He had acute appendicitis, and as I prepared him for surgery I asked if he wasn’t terribly disappointed to miss the big game.

"Oh, I won’t miss it," he said. "Doc is giving me a spinal anesthetic so I can listen to it during the operation!"

Standing on the sidelines, during a game being played by my school’s football team, I saw one of the players take a hard hit. He tumbled to the ground and didn’t move.

We grabbed our first-aid gear and rushed out onto the field. The coach picked up the young man’s hand and urged, "Son, can you hear me? Squeeze once for yes and twice for no."