Did you hear there's a new Prozac virus out?
It screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.
Husband: You brought home donuts. I thought we agreed, no sweets, while you were on your diet.
Wife: I know it but the Lord wanted me to have them.
Husband: How do you know the Lord wanted you to have them?
Wife: As I was approaching the donut shop I said to the Lord, "If it's your will for me to have donuts, let there be a parking space open right in front of the shop".
Husband: So I suppose there was an open parking space?
Wife: Absolutely! The eighth time around the block there it was.
Two muffins are sitting in an oven.
First one says, “Boy, it’s hot in here.”
Second one says, “What the heck, a talking muffin!”