There was once a man who had to do a lot of overnight traveling for his employer. His wife repeatedly ask if she could go with him but he always refused.
Finally, after much nagging, he agreed to take her. They arrived and checked into the hotel. While her husband showered his wife scheduled a wake-up call for six a.m.
At six a.m. the phone rang. As his wife was reaching for the phone the salesman, startled by the ringing, woke up and yelled, "Don't answer that, it may be my wife!"
You know, when you're getting old, there are certain signs.
I walked past a cemetery, and two guys ran after me with shovels!
Q: What do skeletons say before eating?
A: Bone Appetit!
Daughter: My fiancé said I could have whatever I wanted inscribed on his wedding ring. What should I put?
Mother: Put what I put on your father's wedding ring.
Daughter: What does it say. I've never seen daddy with it off.
Mother: Yes. It's worked very well over the years. It says, "Put it back on!"