A guard tells a prisoner, "You will be released from prison at 5 a.m. tomorrow."
The prisoner replies, "Can we make it 9 a.m.? I'm not up yet at 5."
A married couple were quarreling.
Wife: You said you would love me more after marriage?
Husband: I did, but I didn't think you would say yes.
A customer goes to the bank to make a deposit.
Teller: "Sorry sir. This $100 bill is a fake one. We cannot accept it."
Customer: "What's the big deal? I'm depositing it into my account, right?"
A mother complained to my wife, a schoolteacher, that other students were stealing her daughter’s pencils.
“It’s not the money, it’s the principle,” she insisted. “My husband took those pencils from work.”