Latest Jokes

On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son, "Dad, I know babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?"

After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust, "You don't have to make up something, Dad. It's okay if you don't know the answer."

John and I were putting a roof on a barn we were building. We hauled up all the shingles and roofing nails before we began working on the roof. As John brought up the last of the supplies he slipped and accidentally kicked over the ladder. I told him not to worry as someone would surely come by before the day was done.

We worked all day on the roof and finished it just before sundown. I told John that since no one had come by to pick up the ladder for us we were going to have to jump down. John said we could jump into the pigpen and the mud would break our fall. Looking down at the mud I asked John how far we would sink into the mud. John said it would come up to about our ankles.

With that I jumped and sank into the mud up to my neck. "Hey!" I yelled at John. "I thought you said it would only come up to my ankles?"

John replied, "So who told you to jump feet first?"

John and I were putting the siding on a barn we were building. I noticed John would take nails out of his pouch, hammer in a few and throw a few away.

I asked him why he was throwing so many nails away. He said he was throwing them away because they had the heads on the wrong end.

I shook my head and said, "John! Don't you know anything about carpentry? Those nails are for the other side of the building!"

Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars!"

The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred dollars?"

The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."

The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"