I was trying to decide what to do for a talent show I planned to enter.
Trusting my mother to help me out, I asked, “For the talent show, what do you think I should do, sing or put on a comedy act?”
Glancing up from her paper, she said dryly, “What’s the difference?”
"Class, do you know how many hours you are wasting on your smart phones daily?"
A quiet hush falls over the class. One student breaks it up.
"I know, Sir, let's google it!"
I don’t know why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day...
When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.
A man opens an outdoor stand to sell bagels and puts up a sign, "50 cents each." A jogger runs past and puts 50 cents into the bucket but doesn't take a bagel. The next day, he does the same thing. For weeks and then months, this goes on.
One day, as he's jogging past, the owner joins him. The jogger laughs and says, "I know why you're here. You want to know why I always put money in the bucket and never take a bagel?"
"No," says the owner, "not that. I just want to tell you that the bagels have gone up to 60 cents."