Man 1: "Today Facebook saved my life."
Man 2: "How?"
Man 1: "It reminded me about my wife's birthday!"
Life is very short...
Literally, it's only four letters long.
One day in the army I was assigned KP duty. I reported to the Mess Hall and was told by the sergeant in charge that he wanted me to make 100 gallons of soup for tonight's dinner. I told him I didn't know how to make soup. He quickly handed me a book and told me to follow the directions carefully.
Soon after I had a large kettle of soup simmering. The sergeant came up and tasted the soup. He took a second spoonful and stood there staring at me. I thought I had really messed up the soup and was waiting for a reprimand.
Instead the sergeant said, "This tastes really good... are you sure you followed the recipe?"
What do you call a dog wearing earplugs?
It doesn't matter – it can't hear you anyway!