A mother complained to her doctor about her daughter's strange eating habits, "All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?"
"Eventually," said the doctor, "she will rise and shine!"
When author John Milton got married he wrote "Paradise Lost".
After the marriage ended.... he wrote "Paradise Found".
There are only two things in the world that a child will willingly share...
A communicable diseases and mom's age.
A mom was playing "tooth fairy" and putting money under her little daughter's pillow when the child awoke and caught her in the act.
The mom froze, wondering how to explain to her tot that she was, in fact, the tooth fairy. But she was spared the trouble.
"You put that money back!" her daughter said indignantly. "The tooth fairy left that for me!"