Latest Jokes

I’ve been feeling a bit moody & run down recently, so I googled my symptoms to see what I have.

Kids…

I have kids!

Bill invites his family over for dinner one evening. As they sit at the table, the family notice that the plates don't seem very clean. "Pardon me, son," his mother asks. "But have these plates been washed?"

"Why, yes," Bill replies. "They're as clean as soap and water could get them." The family is skeptical but go ahead and eat the dinner; despite the state of the plates, the food is delicious.

After dinner is over, Bill takes the plates and sets them on the floor; he then turns to the doorway, whistles and calls, "Here, Soap! Here, Water!"

An elderly woman in our church congregation had an older-model car that was in excellent condition. As she was driving to town one afternoon, her car was struck by another auto. The insurance company told her that, after considering the car's age, they would give her a settlement on the damage. When the cheque arrived, she was unhappy with the low amount and went to see her insurance agent.

Pulling open his desk drawer, he said, "I have a little blue book in here that says that's all your car is worth."

"Well," she replied, "I have a little black book at home that says, 'Thou shalt not steal.'"

She got a higher settlement.