A man had just got his car stuck in a during a drive in the country and he needed help getting it out. So he walked until he found a farm and asked the farmer for help. The farmer agrees to help the guy out. So he takes a horse out of the stable and leads him to the car. The farmer then ties a harness around the horse and the other end to the car.

The farmer yells, "Pull, Sandy!"

The horse just stands there.

The farmer yells, "Come on now, pull Twister!"

The horse once again just stands there.

Finally the farmer yells, "Ok dangit, PULL RANGER! You're just standing there!"

Finally the horse springs forward and with all the strength he has he pulls the car out of the ditch and onto the roadside.

The man thanks the farmer many times, but before leaving the farmer why he yelled out names of horses that weren't there.

The farmer just smiles and replies, "Oh, you see Ranger there is completely blind and a lazy horse. He wasn't going to pull if he thought he was the only one trying."

Judge: What is the prisoner charged with?

Lawyer: He is a camera enthusiast.

Judge: But you can’t put a person in jail because he is crazy about taking pictures.

Lawyer: He doesn’t take pictures, your Honor, just cameras.

Wife: Are you having another sleepless night?!?

Husband: Yeah! I’m so darn angry, I’ve got insomnia again.

Wife: What’s eating you tonight?

Husband: It's that damn boss of mine! He gets me so boiling mad! He keeps bugging me all day long! Hounding me! Hounding me!! Then, when comes time to go to bed, I’m so full of “I should’ve said—!” that I can’t get any shut-eye!

Wife: What’s he got against you anyway?

Husband: He says I keep falling asleep on the job.

What would you call a bad-tempered gorilla with cotton wool in his ears?

Anything you want, he can't hear you.