Past Winners

I finally quit drinking for good...

Now I'm just gonna drink for evil.

Moe: I think I will make the High School Basketball team.

Joe: Why do you think that?

Moe: My coach said I have a good basketball IQ.

Joe: I think you misunderstood your coach. He said you had the IQ of a basketball.

After participating in a nutritional-health class, my 16 year-old daughter, Sarah, encouraged her sisters to try whole-grain breads and whole-wheat pasta, and complained if we were having anything that looked too processed.

At dinnertime one evening, she entered the kitchen, spied the food on the plates and boldly asked: "Are those whole-wheat potatoes?"

I used to be an owner,

Now I'm a renter.

I used to go to the bars,

Now I go to the senior center!