Past Winners

A man leaves on Friday to go to Chicago.

He stays three days and returns on Friday.

How was that possible?


Friday was the name of his horse.

A man was contesting his speeding ticket in front of the judge.

Judge: Sir, it says here that you were speeding 20 miles over the speed limit.

Man: Impossible, your Honor. There’s NO WAY I could have been going that fast!

Judge: Really! Why is that?

Man: Well, my wife was away visiting her parents and after a week of partying, I was on my way to pick her up. The house was a mess, I hadn’t done any dishes, the bed wasn’t made in a week and there were pizza boxes all over the house. Now let me ask you, your Honor, do you think I’d be speeding to go pick her up?

Judge: Case dismissed!

Restaurant Server: Would you like a table near the window, or near the salad bar, or near the dance floor?

Man: It doesn't matter... as long as it's near a waiter!

Teacher: "Robotics leader Dr. Finkle Goomba claims working robots will be ready for household use within a year though. He also added, 'They won’t be up to true human capability by that time.'"

Little Johnny: "It won’t work until they get to full capability. There is no way my dad would ever pay for a teenager."