Past Winners

ME: "I will take $50 on pump one please..."

BARTENDER: "Sir, please get your mouth off the keg!"

A local citizen ran for a political position for the first time and won. "Congratulate me," he says to his wife. "I won the nomination!"

The wife replies, surprised, "Honestly?"

"Now why in thunder did you want to bring up that point for?"

On a recent flight to Chicago it seemed that all the departure times were coming and going.

I inquired to the ticket agent, "What good are the departure times?"

"Well," began the genial agent, "if it weren't for those posted departure times we'd have no way of finding out how late we depart."

Four golfers were approaching the clubhouse green when they saw two ladies approaching.

One golfer commented to another, "Here comes my wife with some old hag she's picked up somewhere."

"And here comes mine with another," retorted the other, icily.