Past Winners

My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes.

I asked her, "What should I do to stop my addiction?"

She said, "Hey, whatever means necessary."

"No, no it doesn't," I said.

Me: I'm terrified of random letters

Therapist: You are?

Me: (Screams)

Therapist: I see....

Me: (Scream intensifies)

During the vows at the wedding the minister asks the bride to be, "Do you take this man to be your wedded husband for better or worse?"

The bride answers, "Just as he is Father. If he gets any better, I know the Lord will take him, and if he gets any worse, I'll tend to him myself."

Father: Little Johnny, I see by your report card that you are not doing well in history. How come?

Little Johnny: I can’t help it. The teacher always asks me about things that happened before I was born.