Past Winners

A man wakes up and finds himself in a hospital room, one with only himself in it. He has no recollection of how he got there. While pondering it, his bedside phone rings, and he answers it. A doctor on the other end identifies himself, and tells the man, "I have really bad news. You're very sick. After your collapse yesterday, we ordered several tests, and got the results back this morning. I'm afraid you have Avain flu, Ebola, and you're positive for HIV and hepatitis."

Stunned, the man asks, "Well, what's next!? What are you going to do?"

The doctor replies, "Well, for starters, we're putting you on a strict diet of only pizza."

"Will that really help me, doctor?"

"No", the doctor begins, "but it's all we can fit under the the door."

Patient: "Doctor, I feel as though nobody understands me."

Doctor: "What do you mean by that?"

Doctors were told to contribute to the construction of a new wing at the hospital. What did they do?

The allergists voted to scratch it.
The dermatologists preferred no rash moves.
The podiatrists thought it was a big step forward.

The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it.
The ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.
The neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve.

The orthopedists issued a joint resolution.
The pediatricians said, "grow up."
The psychiatrists thought it was madness.

The surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The radiologists could see right through it.
The internists thought it was a hard pill to swallow.

The cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
And the plastic surgeons said, "this puts a whole new face on the matter."

A zombie goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have a horrible rash!"

The doctor says, "Son, I'm sorry but that's not a rash, that's called your face."