misc jokes

Tax collector: "It is your duty as a citizen to pay taxes, and we expect you to pay them with a smile."

Taxpayer (grinning widely): "Wonderful! I thought you expected me to pay them with cash!"

"My ancestry goes back all the way to Alexander the Great," said Christine. She then turned to Miriam and asked, "How far back does your family go?"

"I don't know," replied Miriam, "all of our records were lost in the flood."

My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an appointment. I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. She said, "I know I had my cell phone with me, but now I can't find it!"

I replied, "Aren't you talking on it?"

There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in, followed by, "You are NOT going to tell anybody about this!"