misc jokes

Billy Brown decided it was time to buy a new house, so he decided to sell his old house and put the matter in a real estate agent's hands.

The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading. After Bill read it, he turned to the agent and asked, "Does my house have everything your ad says it does?"

The agent said, "It certainly does. Why do you ask?"

Bill replied, "Cancel the sale. It's exactly what I'm looking for!"

The dumb girl drove to the shopping mall and found a parking spot which had a sign that read, "1 Hour Only,"

She wanted two hours to shop, so she parked across two spaces.

Someone in our neighborhood put a huge sofa out by the curb for trash collection. Since it was in good shape, many motorists slowed down for a look. But when they saw how enormous it was, they'd leave.

Eventually, a sports car pulled up, and two teens got out. "This I've got to see," I thought.

They removed the cushions, turned the sofa upside down, and shook it hard. Then they picked up all the coins that tumbled out and drove off laughing.

2014: I will get my weight down below 180 pounds.

2015: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200 pounds.

2016: I will develop a realistic attitude about my weight.

2017: I will work out 3 days a week.

2018: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.