misc jokes

I keep hearing on the radio that I can make big money flipping houses...

But they never say how much I have to pay for the big spatula!

Two men were strolling past a church when one commented to his friend, "Aren't the church bells lovely?"

The friend said he didn't make out what was said so the first man repeated, "Aren't those chimes beautiful?"

Again, his friend exclaimed he couldn't make out what was said so the first man repeated louder, "The bells, the bells, aren't they beautiful!"

The second man looked at him and said, "Sorry, I can't make out what you're saying because of those lousy bells!"

Why did the diet coach send her new client to the paint store?

She knew you could get thinner there!

A visitor once asked, "Does it ever rain in Arizona?"

A rancher quickly answered, "Yes, it does. Do you remember in the Bible where it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?"

The visitor replied, "Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood."

"Well," the rancher puffed up, "we got about two and a half inches of that."