misc jokes

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying, "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom. I don't know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doing just fine."

And the other guy says, "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre, so I say, "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling."

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. "Can I come over?"

Okay, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "No, sorry, I'm a little busy right now!'

Then I hear the guy say nervously, "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions."

You know you are lost and in a bad neighborhood when your GPS starts whispering directions.

Jack had been a compulsive worrier for years, to the point it was ruining his life. He saw a psychologist who recommended a specialist who could help him. His friend, Bob, noticed a dramatic change and asked, "What happened? Nothing seems to worry you anymore."

"I hired a professional worrier and I haven't had a worry since," replied Jack.

"That must be expensive," Bob replied.

"He charges $5,000 a month," Jack told him.

"$5,000!!! How in the world can you afford to pay him?" exclaimed Bob.

"I don't know. That's his problem."

"What kind of car did you just get?"

"I already forgot, you know me, I am bad with names. But is starts with 'T'!"

"Really? Wow, what a strange car... starts with 'T'... All cars that I know start with petrol."