misc jokes

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass!"

Someone came up to me on the street yesterday and ask if i had an extra cigarette.

I said, "No, I don't. My pack only came with twenty."

"Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE."

"We're all out of red, so I used pink."

"There are two O's in Bob, right?"

"I hate it when I get the hiccups."

"Anything else you want to say? You've got plenty of room back here."

"I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this before."

Q: What do you get when you mix vodka, orange juice, and milk of magnesia?

A: A Philips Screwdriver.