misc jokes

Q: What did the spoiled rich girl say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?

A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

Don’t wear headphones while vacuuming...

I finished the whole house before realizing the vacuum wasn’t plugged in.

A sheriff walks into a saloon and shouts for everyone’s attention, “Has anyone seen Brown Paper Jake?!?!”

“What does he look like?” asks a cowboy.

“Well,” replies the Sheriff, “he wears a brown paper hat, a brown paper vest, a brown paper shirt, brown paper boots, brown paper pants, and a brown paper jacket.”

“So, what is he wanted for?” asks another cowboy.

“Rustlin!” replies the Sheriff.

I ran away from the hospital, it was time to go. My friend asked me, "Why did you run away from the hospital, right before the surgery?"

"I was scared," I replied.

"Why?"

"The nurse kept saying, 'Don't worry, be courageous, it is only a small operation, nothing will happen, it will take hardly 30 minutes, and so on."

"The nurse was right, she was encouraging you, that's all," replied my friend.

"Nonsense!" I began, "She was not talking to me, she was talking to the doctor!"