misc jokes

The 65th annual Miss Universe was on the other night...

Funny thing is for the 65th year in a row, the winner was from Earth.

A man calls a refrigerator repair service. "My refrigerator isn't working."

"What kind is it?"

"It's a small one."

"Electric, gas or propane?"

"Propane."

"Ah! Then the problem is most likely vapor lock. You don't need a service call, just turn the refrigerator upside down for a few minutes to allow the lock to clear. Then put it back and all should be well."

Second call, a few minutes later. "The least you could have done is to tell me to empty the fridge first!"

Some vacationers at their campsite were cooking fish over an open fire when a storm suddenly moved in.

Before the campers could run for cover, a burst of lightning came down and struck a skillet that was resting on the coals in front of them.

That's what you call a flash in the pan!

A guy wins a big jackpot on a slot machine in Vegas. As it is paying out of the machine, but before the pit boss reaches the lucky winner, a haggard man approaches him and says, "I don't mean to disturb you during your big moment, but my wife is sick and needs an operation. Could you see your way clear to giving me $5,000 of your winnings?"

The guy says, "Well, it's all well and good for you to say that, and if it's true I sympathize, but how do I know you're not going to turn around and just gamble it away?"

The haggard man responds, "Oh, I got gambling money."