I'm really ticked that my handmade replica of the Norse god of thunder didn't win top prize at the Medieval Art and Statue Convention.
I guess that makes me a Thor loser.
Bob: "I took a big fall, fell off a 50 ft ladder."
Jim: "Oh wow, are you okay?"
Bob: "Yeah, it's a good thing I only fell off the first step."
My favorite way to de-clutter my space is to hold every item I own. If it does not bring me any joy, I toss it out.
So far I have thrown out all my vegetables, my electrical bill, a scale, a mirror, and my treadmill.
A woman arrives at the and meets Saint Peter. She says, "I was supposed to look up my husband when I got here."
Saint Peter asks, "What's his name?"
She answers, "Smith."
Saint Peter replies, "I've got hundreds of thousands of Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?"
She responds, "His name is John Smith."
Saint Peter says, "I got thousands of John Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?"
She answers, "He's got red hair."
Saint Peter replies, "I have hundreds of red haired John Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?"
She responds, "Well, he told me to always remain faithful to his memory, or else he'd roll over in his grave!"
Saint Peter says, "Oh, you mean Pinwheel Smith!"