misc jokes

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was very concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."

There's this 'not-so-bright' young woman out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another woman on the opposite bank.

"Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"

The second woman looks up the river, then down the river, then shouts back, "You are on the other side."

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural history museum.

"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.

To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."

A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"

"Simple, there was a piece of paper in his hand that said, 'Put me down for 10,000 Shekels on Goliath.'"