misc jokes

Ventriloquist: Hey buddy. Why don't you spell Apple for the audience.

Dummy: Can I go to the bathroom first?

Ventriloquist: Come on just spell Apple.

Dummy: I really need to go.

Ventriloquist: Just spell Apple first.

Dummy: All right. Apple. A-L-E

Ventriloquist: A-L-E? What happened to the P-P?

Dummy: It's running down your arm.

A group of gentlemen had been discussing, since the mid 1800's, about forming a club to address the defective LIBERTY BELL that was ordered from the Whitechapel Foundry of London in 1751. The LIBERTY BELL cracked the first time it was rung. After various attempts to repair the iconic crack, it was last rung in 1846.

The Philadelphia Procrastination Club was finally formed around 1956 with a charter to request authorization from the Whitechapel Foundry for return of the defective bell. After various drafts of this request, it was finally approved by the Philadelphia Procrastination Club membership 50 years after their formation.

The Whitechapel Foundry of London issued approval for the return of the bell with the stipulation that the bell be returned with its "ORIGINAL PACKAGING".

A chicken, a tomato, and a potato with a patch over one eye walked into a restaurant for breakfast.
The server came over to their table and said we’ve got chicken friend steak, hard boiled eggs with hash browns and V-8 on special.

After a moment of silence the chicken turned to the tomato and the potato with a patch over his eye and said, "You were right, we should have gone to the waffle house."

A man was sleeping when his wife shook him and said, "Wake up, someone is breaking in!"

The man had gone through this almost every night for 20 years, and he knew that the only way he would get any rest was to go and check it out. This time, however, there was a man with a gun who entered to rob the house.

As the thief was about to flee the man said, "You have to come with me and meet my wife."

Astounded, the thief said, "Why would you want me to meet your wife?"

The man replied, "Well, she's been expecting you for 20 years."