misc jokes

A woman is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, "Here's another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a 'poor, defenseless woman' his seat."

She pushes him back onto the seat. A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. Again, she refuses to let him up.

Finally, the man says, "Look, you've got to let me get up. I'm two miles past my stop already."

After and exhaustive search for an apartment in New York City a man had just arrived at the last possibility listed in the paper. He asked a lady in the lobby where he might find suite number 803.

She replied obviously your elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top so…

The man interrupted her before she could say another word and replied sharply, lady, its obvious you’re rude. She left in a huff!

He saw another woman enter the building so he asked her the same question.

She answered by saying; if you’re going to 803 you’ll need to walk the last flight of stairs because the elevator only goes to the seventh floor. Oh, and I see you met Mrs. Stanley; she owns the building.

Unbeknownst to Harold, the local tax collector, he was knocking on the door of a house inhabited by cannibals. A woman answered the door.

"I'm here to talk to a person named Stewart. He's a bit late on his tax payment."

"Actually, we just moved in with him recently. He can't see you now," she replied.

"Can I wait for him?"

"Sure! And while you're waiting, how would you like some dinner? You look very hungry. I've made up a delicious array of meat and vegetables simmered in a thick, seasoned broth. Sort of like goulash."

"This is highly inappropriate, but it does smell delicious. I'll have just a little." After finishing his meal, Harold says, "Absolutely scrumptious! Can Stewart see me now?"

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to leave."

"But I was here to meet Stewart."

"Don't worry about meeting Stew. Go out to your car and give yourself a couple of hours. Stew will be right out!"

Billy always had problems with math so he used his fingers and toes for adding and subtracting. One day he didn't have enough fingers or toes to figure out the problem. His best friend took off his shoes and held up his fingers so Billy could figure it out. The moral of the story is that in times of need, you can always 'count on' your best friend!