misc jokes
Favorite this joke Two cannibals decided to go mountain climbing. They gathered up their gear, and in case they got hungry they packed up a bunch of body parts to munch on. Things were going quite well until they reached a crevice in the trail they were on. Even though it was only 3 feet wide, looking down they saw that it was a 1000 foot drop to the bottom.
"I suppose we could try to jump across, it's only 3 feet," said Rasheed.
"I don't think that's wise," replied Anwar. "One slip, and it's certain death. Wait! I have an idea!" Rustling through his knapsack, he grabs a severed leg and lays it across the gaping fissure.
"What are you planning to do with that?" asked Rasheed.
Answered Anwar, "I'm going out on a limb!"
Lord, Give me coffee to change the things i can change...
... and wine to accept the things I can't.
Definitions...
MARRIAGE:
It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either.
CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
COMPROMISE:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power!
DICTIONARY:
A place where divorce comes before marriage.
CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
CLASSIC:
A book which people praise, but never read.
SMILE:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight!
OFFICE:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
ETC:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
COMMITTEE:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
EXPERIENCE:
The name men give to their mistakes.
ATOM BOMB:
An invention to bring an end to all inventions.
DIPLOMAT:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
OPPORTUNIST:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
MISER:
A person who lives poor so that he/she can die rich.
CRIMINAL:
A guy no different from the other, unless he gets caught.
BOSS:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
POLITICIAN:
One who shakes your hand before elections and then shakes your confidence later.
DOCTOR:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and then kills you by his bills.
I said to the gym instructor, “Can you teach me to do the splits?”
She said, “How flexible are you?”
I replied, “I'm pretty flexible, but I can’t make Tuesdays.”
Free Daily Joke