misc jokes

Dad, why is mother so forgetful? My friend Bobby is from Buffalo, when I asked mom where I came from she said I need to talk with you.

A drunk stumbled out the door of the bar. He stood on the corner waiting for the light. He wife calls and asks if he is drunk. The man replies, "Of course not!"

Being suspicious that he is drunk, she says, "Okay then, tell me where you are and I will come and get you."

The drunk replies, "I am at the corner of WALK and DON'T WALK!"

Two best friends were having lunch together. One was trim and the other was rather rotund. The trim friend ordered a salad, his friend ordered a Ruben sandwich with large fries and a milkshake.

The trim one said, "You don't have to eat every speck off your plate; being overweight can put you in an early grave."

His friend replied, "You know I don't like wasting anything. When it's my time to go I plan on filling the box."

A guy went fishing with his friend and had to ask, "Where is that new rod and reel you had the last time we went fishing? I can't help but notice that you’re using a stick a string and a safety pin for a hook."

His friend replied, "My wife thinks I'm wasting money so I told her I’d take the new rod and reel back if I didn’t catch a fish... any more questions?"

"Yes, why didn’t you go to the market and buy a fish to take home? If you remember that's what I did last year so I could keep my fishing gear."

His friend answered, "I did, but I forgot to take it out of the package!"