misc jokes

Last night I had a dream that I won the Lottery...

This morning it wasn't a dream come true.

*Just one peanut butter and jelly sandwich doesn't do it anymore.
*Driving a car doesn't always sound like fun.
*The average 10-year-old doesn't have a clue who Bo and Luke Duke are.
*Being bad is no longer cool.

*You have friends who have kids.
*Saturday mornings are for sleeping.
*You are taller than the slide at the McDonald's Playland.
*Your parents' jokes are now funny.

*You once said, "What-chu talkin' 'bout Willis?" or "Know whatta mean, Vern?"
*You have owned, and since disowned, Michael Jackson's "Thriller."
*You would rather wear your dirty clothes again, cuz mom is not there to do your laundry anymore.
*Naps are good.

*You once deemed Space Invaders as "The best game ever."
*When things go wrong, you can't just yell, "Do-over!"
*You actually buy scarves, gloves, and sunscreen.
*You leave concerts and ballgames early to beat the crowd.

*You want clothes for Christmas.
*You don't want a Camaro because of the insurance premiums.
*You look in the surveillance camera monitor at the convenience store, wonder who that guy is standing at the counter with the bald spot, and then realize it's a shot of you from behind.

Man one: Look at the lion tracks.

Man two: You can't fool me, lions don't run on tracks... trains run on tracks.

Two vacuum cleaners are arguing...

"You suck!"
"No, you suck!"

"You suck worse!"
"I don't suck!"

"Why not?"
"I'm not plugged in!"