misc jokes

Definition of Epitaph: A belated advertisement for a line of goods that has been permanently discontinued.

I just bought a new state-of-the-art washer/dryer. It even talks.

This morning it told me what it did with the other sock!

A lot of people are afraid of heights...

Not me, I'm afraid of widths!

"Quick! Call a tree surgeon!"

"Why?"

"My maple tree is bleeding!"

"That's not blood, that's sap."

"What's sap?"

"Nothing. What's sap with you?"