misc jokes

When you know it's time for a new car when...

- You pull over to let a fire truck go by, and it stops behind you.
- You have to go to a repair center every thousand miles to get the duct tape replaced.
- You accidentally drive into a junkyard, drive out, and get accused of stealing.

- The Blue Book lists your car under "Health Risk."
- The only thing holding your bumper on is the "Dukakis/Bentsen '88" sticker.
- You return to your car and find someone broke in and left a hundred dollars and a new stereo.

- Evel Knievel refuses a free lift.
- The valet puts on a crash helmet and full-body armor before parking your car.
- The guys at the repair shop refer you to Dr. Kevorkian.

I'm kind of tired of being an amateur crastinater...

I'm thinking of turning pro, but I'm going to put that decision off for awhile.

When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it...

If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant!

My friend told me I needed to get in shape.

I told him, "Round is a shape."