misc jokes

I don't do windows because...
I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.

I don't wax floors because...
I am terrified a guest will slip and get hurt then I'll feel terrible ( plus they may sue me.)

I don't mind the dust bunnies because...
They are very good company; I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.

I don't disturb cobwebs because...
I want every creature to have a home of their own.

I don't Spring Clean because...
I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous.

I don't put things away because...
My husband will never be able to find them again.

I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because...
I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.

I don't iron because...
I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press."

I don't stress much on anything because...
"Type A" personalities die young and I want to stick around and become an ol' woman!

You can't lose weight without exercise. But I've got a philosophy about exercise...

I don't think you should punish your legs for something your mouth did.

A three-fer:

What do you get when you cross a former vice president with a slasher film?
A: An Al Gore-fest!

What do you get when you cross a former "90210" actress with a national youth contest?
A: A Tori Spelling-Bee!

What do you get when you cross a presidential candidate with a wind instrument?
A: A Donald Trump-pet!

A magician opened his act by making an egg disappear. A heckler in the front row yells out, “That’s nothing, my ex wife made the house disappear!”