misc jokes

As a trucker stops at a red light, a young lady catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you're losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, she says brightly, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the girl gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the young lady's car. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's Winter in Michigan and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

A man finds a lamp. He rubs it and a Genie emerges. The Genie tells him he will be granted three wishes. The man thinks for a moment and says, "First, give me a bottomless mug of beer."

A mug of beer appears in his hand. He sips it once, then again and the mug is magically refilled. The man is thrilled and continues to drink. The mug never empties.

Then the Genie says, "And what about your other two wishes?"

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Give me two more just like this one!"

Tom & Jane just got married and moved into an apartment in New York City filling it with all of the precious items they received as wedding gifts. One day, they received in the mail two tickets for a popular show in the city, with a single line written on the envelope: "Guess who sent them."

Jacob and Mindy assumed that it was a belated wedding present and while they enjoyed the show immensely, they spent the whole evening trying to figure out who the tickets were from.

On their return home from the show, Jacob and Mindy were met with a disastrous sight: their apartment had been stripped of every one of their wedding presents, every article of value in the apartment. And on the bare table in the dining-room was a piece of paper on which was written a note on an envelope: "Now you know!"

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained,
"It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."

Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a few words, the pharmacist told him, "Now, just a minute, please listen to my side of it... This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding
ticket. Later, about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook."

He took a breath and then continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels; the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with bunch of perfume bottles on it...all of
them hit the floor and broke. Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer... and honest mister, all I did was tell her!"