Why are ghosts always honest?
They have no choice, you can see right through them!
With today's rapid advance in technology, we thought it important to bring to our readers' attention some new engineering conversions:
2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer: 1 lite-year
Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line. (think about it for a moment)
1000 aches: 1 kilohurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake
1 million microphones: 1 megaphone
10 cards: 1 decacards
1000 cubic centimeters of wet socks: 1 literhosen
2 monograms: 1 diagram
8 nickels: 2 paradigms
2000 mockingbirds: 2 kilomockingbird
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2016 when...
1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they
don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic, and you turn around to go and get it .
10. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.
I feel like I'm in a rut. Every time I go to bed at night, I find myself just getting up again in the morning.